...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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