oh god the rape fog is back!
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Vodka?
Forever.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
