it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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