she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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