i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
