i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
