break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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