i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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