We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
