I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
