glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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