Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize