i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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