Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I could make wine with my vomit
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize