my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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