john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
