I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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