Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
