I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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