You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
