don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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