drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
