I faked an abortion last night.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
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