all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
