so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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