take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
