Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
