So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
