Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize