that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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