Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Randomize
