Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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