Betty ford says i'm here all night
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
