I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize