She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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