If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
