dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
