i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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