Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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