all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
