Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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