who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Farmville is her only friend.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize