I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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