tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I look better un-naked...
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
