No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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