Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
