Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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