Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
