I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
