I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
