I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
