Cold hands, warm shart.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
