so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize