You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I need to sanitize my soul.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
