4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
