I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
