If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
