i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I want to make a zoo with you.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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