I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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