i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
