You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
