Jerry, you need to find god
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
