The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
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