you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize