His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize