she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
